Wednesday, October 26, 2016

You go girl!

hai there!

it has been so long I did not post anything. I did wrote something but I did not post it.
too many things happened. I'm getting older. not only me, you also right?

2016 gonna leave us in few months time.
my boss favorite question is, "what  have you achieved this year, Izzati?"
apparently, I'm still cracking my head for an answer at least to his question this year.

honestly, I never imagine that I'm gonna be here today.
never imagine myself in Sabah for FOUR years. freaking FOUR years!
I survived staying 1013 miles away from my parents.
despite you know I flew back almost once a month. up to a point people are wondering if I got boyfriend back in Semenanjung. its more than a boyfriend. its my parents!
its another long story. need to dedicate one whole post to summarize my 4 years in Sabah.

you know what, 
things happen unexpectedly.
once I had a very bad heartbroken. I put too much hope in someone. it took me so long till I can completely move on. Libra is very loyal, please take note. I lied to everyone that I am fine but actually I am not. but lucky enough I have supportive people around me. their advises and opinions really really help me to move on. and make me realize Allah is the one and I should pray hard to Him rather than putting hope in other human being.

and then, I started to plan my future. did another thing unexpectedly that no one else did.
I cancelled my transfer application. I did not make that decision in one night,
I got permission from abah emak first. then only I submitted my letter.
everything went smoothly. Alhamdulillah.

one fine day, abah emak asked if I got any boyfriend. the recovered broken-heart start to feel uneasy again. I said no. so, they being honest and said their friend want his son and me to get to know each other. nothing wrong in getting to know someone right? 

but...

I am so confused. the way he text, the way he communicate. i feel so weird. then, we stop texting after 1 week. I did istikharah cause I know the main intention behind that is moving on to the next stage. surprisingly, during raya, his father and mother came to my house and send "cincin tanda". to make it worst, he never told me about that! and did not have any courtesy to text me after that! I texted him first 3 days after his family came. make it short, I asked mak abah to return back the ring. I feel so guilty. but I can't jeopardize my future. 

I celebrated my 27th birthday last month.
I am 27 and I am single and not even have a single scandal.
I am happy.
I told myself, after 30th September 2017, I'll stop looking for my future husband.
There are obviously so many other things I need to do. I can not keep on thinking about this.
Count down begins, and I left with another 337 days.

there are things that I think people do not understand us.
we are 27 and still single.

people think we are choosy. 
people think we are complicated.
people think we are not looking at any candidates.

you will never understand us. 
stop talking nonsense about us.

for me, the calculation is simple.
I have been so independent (though I still have not try to change my own car's battery yet).
at least I know how to isi angin tayar :P
If someone can show me how he can handle me, plan everything ahead and show some leadership skill, sure I'll give some space of my broken heart to him la.
but if that someone also do not give a damn, why should I?

for me,
relationship is a two ways communication. 
I can plan everything for us. where and when we are going to meet.
tapi, tak kan everytime wants to meet up pun only me who decide?

well, I can be clingy sometimes (major mistake!) but I learnt my lesson.
stand up strong. wake up and plan ahead your day without putting in anyone else name in your schedule. if someone came in, just add it to your planner with a PENCIL!
so you can erase it anytime.

I met this someone. thru a friend of mine.
day after my friend give his friend's phone number, he asked me have both of us start texting?
me being the heart broken one straight away look at him and said, "why i should text first?"
so, he decided to make a group with 3 of us, just to introduce me to his friend.
the weirdest whatsapp group ever! haha. but thanks for that :D

it feels weird to meet someone you don't know. tapi bila lagi nak blind date kan?
it is not that easy for me to agree with this thing. last time I went out, it does not end very well (in fact we ruined our friendship). I am not so sure where this thing is heading to.
to the which path of life.

I hope that someone did not read this.
it is not that easy to understand a grown-up man. I have this problem.
I think they are complicated. They probably do not like that idea of texting.
I am assuming though. haha. Not a phone call also.
Too workaholic. and probably they are too comfortable being single.
why need to add another commitment kan?

the heart broken girl decided,
not to be too clingy. so she does not text him that frequent. in fact he did not reply sometimes.
not to show him that she care. so she only send an e-card to him on his birthday which she hopes that the email address is correct.
pretty sure, Allah knows the best, keep calm and pray harder.


time to hit the bed now.
rambling bout too many things already. 


blowing you a kiss from across the miles,
betty





Monday, March 28, 2016

pesan abah


abah selalu pesan pada kami adik-beradik,
dalam hidup ini kita tak akan dapat semua benda
ada benda kita kena korbankan untuk dapat yang lain

betul abah.
menginjak umur hampir 30 (oh, exaggerate saja), macam-macam ragam manusia boleh nampak.
duduk jauh 1013 batu daripada keluarga, siapa sangka hampir 4 tahun dah dekat sini.
tengok orang pergi jalan, terus jadi macam budak kecik mengadu dekat abah.
dan abah as usual, trying hard to calm me down.
"ada benda yang orang tu tak buat, tapi angah buat. sebab tu dia boleh pergi jalan tapi angah tak"
too bad future husband. abah already put a higher level of my expectations to men in my heart.

dengan jujur,
I spend most of my salary for flight tickets.
kan dulu pernah saya coretkan, kalau balik setiap bulan boleh buat mak abah happy, saya akan buat. 
bahkan kalau setiap minggu pun mungkin saya sanggup.
syurga saya masih lagi di bawah tapak kaki mak.
balancing life between work and family is important. I'm learning a lot of things here.
to be independent.

yes. independent is the keyword.
kita bincang dengan selanjutnya nanti.


love, 
betty.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Why I love this place?

Oh, wow!
Tak ada post langsung in 2015. Not good.
Never mind, sempena genap tiga tahun dekat Sabah, I decided to write something about here.
My life. My work. And everything.
Sorry for the broken English like how my research mates always said "our England not good".

I knew that feeling bila dapat tahu kena lapor diri dekat Sabah.
Nak drama lagi rasa dunia kelam seketika. Nafas terhenti.
Oh, come on adik. Sabah tu bukan dekat Kutub Selatan saaaaana.
2 jam 30 minit sampai KL dah, inshAllah kalau tak delay.
Berat hati. Seberat bontot yang dah lama tak pergi jogging tu.
Tapi, go and talk to your senior pharmacist. Bukan your colleague yang akan keep on pushing you down sebab diorang dapat dekat dengan rumah.
Now, its your time to make your own decision. Not your colleague.
Kalau tak ada apa-apa masalah atau halangan, pergi saja lah. Untung-untung lapor diri dapat Kota Kinabalu. Lagi untung dapat jauh sikit.

Dulu mula-mula datang, dalam hati dah hajat,
"duduk sini paling lama 2 tahun. lepas tu nak balik"
Hahaha. Berangan tu free tak apa.
Eh, ni bukan nak takutkan yang datang sini susah nak balik. Tak.
2 tahun tu KPF bagi syarat baru dia nak sign borang transfer.
Katanya tak ada reason yang kukuh. Sekarang dah sign tapi macam ikhlas tak ikhlas gitu. Dengan pengganti. Adik-adik datanglah sini, kesian kami nak balik. Tapi tu baru stage 1.
Kalau korang dah kahwin, ada reason lain ke inshAllah dipermudahkan.
Jangan risau.

However,
I want to tell you this. This place is awesome!
Siapa rasa nak jadi awesome datanglah sini. Timbalah ilmu sebanyak mungkin.
Bila orang tanya, bila nak balik? "I badly want to go back because of my parents. But, I love it here sebab learning opportunities banyak dekat sini"

Sabah berjaya merubah saya.

I used to procrastinate things. A lot of thingssssssss.
So, few months after lapor diri, boss tanya nak buat research tak.
I said I can try to do it. Tu pun tak confident. Tapi bila fikir, I need something to kill my free time here. Tak kan every weekend nak balik pulak kan.
Prepare proposal. Buat itu, buat ini. Part paling malas Literature Review.
Tak payah nak geleng-geleng kepala.
Adik-adik baru buat FYP pun malas kan?
Sampailah dalam satu email between boss, me and Dr.Liew (cardiologist), he wrote there NATO.
No Action Talk Only.
Bahasa budak-budak sekarang, dia akan cakap SENTAP.
Memang sentap.
And, I realized. Bila kita berurusan dengan orang, respect their time. Dia bukan berurusan dengan kita je, entah dengan berapa ratus orang lagi. Entah berapa ribu email lagi dia nak kena reply.
After that, I take things and datelines more seriously. No joke. No stupid reasons.
Unless, your laptop update sendiri and you lost all the documents.
Then, I got no choice till I need to postpone my presentation.

If you are willing to learn, you are going up, up, and above.
You'll never go down the drain with knowledge.
Research brought me to few conferences. I met with awesome people. Received comments from different background of people. You gonna realize that different people see things differently.
I'm not good at it. I hate people comments initially.
I cannot accept critics. I'm scared cause I believed that I'm not as good as other people.
But, later you'll appreciate it. Every single words they said, will make you a better person.
I should thank everyone, yang sedar tak sedar, they pushed me until this level of achievement.

Did someone told you that people in Sabah are super duper nice?
No one tear the prescription in front of me for the past 3 years.
Maybe other colleague ada lah kali tapi I never encountered that,
which during my PRP life I saw 2 patients did that in front of the counter.
No worries, they don't eat people here. Bilang sama mama kamu, urang Sabah ni okay bah.
Urang Sabah suka karaoke lagi. Itu suara jangan berani la kamu mau lawan.
Level Adira sama Stacy suda. Kau nangis la tepi stage pegang botol jadi microfon. 
And, 1Malaysia? They've been practicing that concept loooooong time ago.
Come here and you'll truly enjoy the environment and the beautiful people.
Sumandak ramai bah sini untung buli kasi kenal sama mama jadi menantu.

I learned that asking is important.
Ask. Ask. Ask.
Cause some people love to assume than to ask.
Even so-called-boyfriend yang dah 17 tahun 2 bulan kenal sampai mak abah buat macam anak sendiri tu pun kau tak pernah nak tanya betul ke dia nak kahwin dengan kau? Assume je dia nak kahwin, maka kau pun setia lah pada dia. Lepas tu bila kau tergerak hati nak tanya, dia cakap memang dia nak kahwin tapi dengan kawan sama belajar memandu kenal 2 hari lepas. Kau nak sentap? Tak valid sebab kau hanya assume, tak pernah tanya.
Dan, andai kata kau dihujani dengan sejuta cerita-cerita yang negatif about someone, kau ada 2 pilihan.

  1. Ignore cerita tu. Nak lagi best kau ignore je sekali orang yang cerita tu. Dah habit dia kot.
  2. Tanya sendiri orang yang diburukkan tu betul atau tak. Tapi ayat kasi cover sikit kang dia sentap pulak. Tapi jangan tambah gula garam kasi sedap, tak baik.
Kalau kau pilih untuk percaya 125.6% apa orang lain cerita, tu terpulang. Hak sendiri kan.
My mistake, I was easily influenced by people from their stories. Perhaps, I was born with that.
Never mind, I learn things the hard way. Harder than before.
Lessons learned.

Public announcement. Jangan cakap I tak bagitahu you pulak.
I moved house twice. Salah. 3 kali. Address baru? PM sis lah. Miscall pun boleh.
Chill lah. Jangan nak jeling sebelah mata apasal budak ni nak kena pindah rumah banyak kali.
Bila dah kerja ni, masing-masing nak privacy. Kang ada roommate nak gayut telefon cakap sweet-sweet tak kan nak kena tutup dengan bantal?
Mak abah, angah tak ada calon suami lagi, so I didn't practice this. Don't worry.
And, ada one time kau akan rasa yang,
"oh, dah sampai masa aku berpindah" hahaha. sila berterima kasih bila kau rasa perasaan tu nanti.
So, pindahlah bila dah sampai seru. Tak ada rugi apa. Penat je lah nak angkut barang.
Tu pun kalau barang kau sebanyak 5 tan.

In working life, competition is everywhere.
Hahaha. You'll never know and will never realized who is keeping grudge with you.
Be extra careful with people.
Watch-out whatever you tell them. Whatever stories you told them. Whatever comments that you have.
Cause, you never know how they are going to twist the stories make it sounds more interesting and in the end, your stories will kill you. Killing you softly.
Kau akan cakap, childish gila budak ni. Put yourself in that situation lepas tu bagitau balik childish ke tak. Nak tau gak apa rasa dia. Oren ke lemon ke? Atau rasa espresso ekstrak kopi arabica tanpa gula? 
Sometimes, certain things better keep it to yourself. Atau cerita pada Allah.
Dia Maha mendengar.

Not everyone who decided to keep quite means they are guilty.
Probably, that is the best way to stop the stories from circulating.
To stop the rumors.

Times up.
Esok Isnin, so jangan berangan nak bangun bila matahari dah tinggi.
Banyak sangat nak cakap pasal Sabah ni.
Ni baru pasal kerja. Belum pasal pergi jalan lagi.
Tak habis tulis sampai ke pagi nanti.
Tunggu lah ada mood extra boleh la tambah-tambah cerita.
Sudahlah berhutang 1 post untuk si kawan sama 1 post untuk Siem Reap.

InshAllah ada masa ada kesempatan,
kita jumpa lagi.
Ingat 24434
(tak payah gelak. dulu sekolah tulis surat cinta la konon mesti ada tu kan?)


lots of love,
betty










Sunday, August 31, 2014

Gembira


Ada orang menangis, bila gembira. 
Ada orang ketawa, bila gembira. 

Tapi apa sebenarnya yang buat kita gembira?

Skor 4.0 dalam exam?
Mengolok kawan yang jatuh di tandas?
Tolong makcik angkat barang sambil melintas jalan?
Makan durian Musang King sampai sendawa?

Alang call last few weeks. 
Dia sedih tak dapat buat mak abah gembira. 

So, I asked her how you define gembira?
How mak abah define gembira?

For me,
Jika balik every month tu dapat buat mak abah gembira, saya akan balik. 
Jika minta transfer tu dapat buat mak abah gembira, saya akan minta. 
Jika kahwin tu dapat buat mak abah gembira, saya akan kahwin. 

Cuma, belum rezeki saya untuk balik duduk dengan mak abah. Belum sampai jodoh saya untuk kahwin. 

Its different when it comes to her situation. 
Dia ada dekat rumah every single day. Tolong mak basuh pinggan. Tolong abah angkat baju. 
Macamana desperatenya saya nak duduk rumah! Nak buat semua benda untuk gembirakan mak abah. Jealous! 
Cari makna gembira dalam kehidupan seharian kita. 
Setiap aspek kehidupan ada terselit kegembiraan. 

Jauh dari mak abah. Allah uji dengan macam-macam. 
Hari-hari saya balik kerja tak mampu nak tolong itu ini buat mak abah gembira. 
Mak abah tak ada depan mata saya. 
Hanya mampu call bila malam nak laporkan aktiviti harian dengan mereka. 
Hari-hari, cukup untuk saya buat kawan-kawan gembira. Cukup saya buat pak guard dekat apartment tersenyum. Cukup saya buat pesakit tersenyum. 
Itu makna gembira bagi hari-hari saya. 

Dan, 
bersyukurlah setiap masa bila Allah bagi kita peluang untuk buat mak abah kita gembira. 
Sementara mereka masih ada. Sementara kita masih bernyawa. 



Lots of love,
betty


Saturday, April 19, 2014

random


Hello weekend. 

Having this little computer with me buat rasa nak menulis tu datang balik.
But this is totally random. Woke up on Saturday morning with mixed feelings. Just took few minutes after packed my bag for short trip with Nedhu. Pity her. Nak kejutkan bangun pagi ni pun tak sampai hati. Lumrah seorang junior doctor i think.

Random post. 
Random people.
Random idea.

Abah selalu pesan,
Dalam hidup kita tak akan dapat semua benda yang kita nak. We have to choose. We have to prioritize things. And kadang-kadang tak semua yang kita nak kita dapat.
People can be so beruntung, Alhamdulillah. 
Blessed with a happy family. Blessed with a good job. 
Tapi ada orang diuji Allah macam-macam. 

I'll always remind my little sister, Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286. 
Allah tu Maha Mengetahui more than anyone. He is the creator sebab tu Dia tahu hambaNya. 
Dia tahu sejauh mana kemampuan hambaNya untuk menghadapj ujian dariNya. 
Senjata utama adalah doa. Dan setiap perancangan semua adalah daripadaNya. 

And for people who came in our life,
tak ada orang yang datang tanpa tujuan dalam hidup kita.
The one that I met on my way up to Gunung Kinabalu, we don't know each other but they taught me that life is not that easy for certain people. 
The one that I met at Pulau Sibuan, we don't know each other but they taught me that food is not cheap and they worked hard for it. 
The one that I met at hospital, we don't know each other but they taught me to appreciate everyone and everything in life as long as they are still alive. 

Definitely people will come and go. Definitely. 
Unless Allah said, he/she is the one for you and maybe you gonna spend the rest of your life till Jannah with them. InsyAllah.
But still if dah sampai ajal, semua orang pun akan pergi juga kan?

Ada masa itu bukan ceritanya. 
Ada masa orang itu datang dan pergi.
Kalau tak lama, sekejap. Kalau tak sekejap, lama. 

It depends on you how to cope with that situation. Like they said 'how to mend a broken heart'.
But don't be not so clever dengan all those suicidal ideas.

If you want to cry, go ahead. Find someone to talk and then cry. 
Jangan nangis dalam tandas sebab banyak syaitan dekat situ. So totally not a good idea.
Especially bawah shower. Someone laughed at me when I mentioned this idea. 
Get a good night sleep. 
Wake up and make a decision. 

Semua pun berbalik pada diri sendiri. Kita yang menjadikan keadaan macam ini.
Maka kita bertanggungjawab terhadap diri sendiri.
Kalau pun nak salah kan orang lain, siapa?

Ingat dalam hati. Allah sentiasa ada. Keluarga sentiasa ada. 
Berdoalah insyAllah ada penyelesaian.
Kembali pada Allah. Dia Maha Mendengar Maha Mengasihani. 
It took me two hours to decide. Days to move on.
Maybe you need more than that. Give yourself a break from all these tiny little things.
Banyak lagi major things for you to do. For you to think.

Kak Ros told me,
"Ada orang kena rasa kehilangan, baru dia belajar menghargai" 
Mungkin Allah jauhkan kita daripada seseorang, supaya kita hargai orang lain disekeliling kita. Siapa tahu kan? Kalau dah jodoh tak ke mana tu. Nanti dia datang balik, insyAllah. 
Lambat ke cepat ke kita serahkan pada Allah. 

Siapa tak peningkan bila orang asyik tanya bila nak kahwin?
Senyum. 



Lots of love,
izzati










Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Hello 2014


بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
"Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang"

Goodbye 2013.
Full with memories. The ups and downs.
Allah itu Maha Adil bukan?

Lots of new year resolutions katanya. So, here I'm telling you my 2014 resolutions.
May Allah ease everything throughout the year, insyAllah.


#1 achieve 2012's resolutions

#2 complete my manuscript for pacemaker

#3 start my DUR for Vasteral and Elantan

#4 start the Pain Clinic Service 

#5 no more procrastination in everything

#6 spend money wisely

#7 increase discipline level

#8 follow daily schedule. don't cheat

#9 be nice to people no matter how they treat you

#10 perbaiki diri supaya cita-cita tercapai :)


10 is enough for now. 
so many events scheduled for next year.  mampu berdoa supaya Allah permudahkan semuanya.

I do have my own cita-cita. To be a pharmacist, alhamdulillah i'm a pharmacist now.
Then, we decided to have another dream. 

Tak apa, gonna turn 25 this year and still have long way to go.
But, keep calm and doa kan? Allah yang atur semuanya.



have a nice year ahead mate!


lots of love,
betty

Thursday, December 19, 2013

keep calm and stay strong

Alhamdulillah for an awesome 2013, Ya Allah. 




Blessed with a good health. Though few tests from You but still able to breath now is the greatest gift after all. 

Blessed with supportive people around me. Though some people does 't like me that much but never mind. I got You. 

Blessed with crazy housemates. Though I'm not that helpful with the house chores sometimes. Haha. 

Blessed with never-fed-up bestfriend in Penang. Though I know she is tired listening to my complaints everyday. Haha. 

Blessed with super duper loving and caring parents. Though they have to fetch and send me to the airport almost every month! No one in the world can replace you Mak & Abah :')

My never ending tasks will never stop me from seeking love from You. 

Allah is near. Allah is listening. 
Doa sebagai usaha. Dan jangan berhenti berusaha. Doa sebagai senjata orang mu'min. 

Ujian daripada Allah mesti bersebab. Setiap yang berlaku pasti bersebab. 

I just read Sebelum Aku Bernikah. Oh, gelakkan la saya sebab lapuk sudah buku itu kan? Tapi ilmu tidak pernah lapuk. Dan selepas itu baru saya faham. It is not about nikah. Its all about the knowledge of dua jiwa. The preparations. Not about preparations of the materials but of you, yourself. Whether you are ready of not? 

At this age of 24, with friends around me gave birth, waiting for the birth of their babies and preparing for their Big Day, I'm here enjoying my own sweet time travelling, working and shopping. Haha. Hilal tulis dalam buku, jodoh itu kena ada usaha. Jadi, usaha saya berdoa. When it comes to jodoh, I think doa is the best thing I always do. Not only me. Most of my friends pun did the same thing. 

And, mak & abah tak tanya pun lagi. Haha. Diam-diam dulu. Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana kan? 

Adapting to new environment is not that easy. Sama macam tinggalkan your bad habit. Tapi Allah sentiasa ada kan nak mudahkan urusan kita? 

Sama macam bila flight delay. Mesti ada hikmah. So, kena banyak-banyak sabar dan janganlah marah MAS ke AirAsia ke Malindo tu. Dan sebabnya saya tengah tunggu flight yang dah delay 40 minit. Haha. 

I think that latte just know didn't work. I'm super duper sleepy now and can't wait to board the flight and sleep. 

Take care people. And see you soon semenanjung. 

P/s knowing you for a year is good enough for me. Thanks for the memories. 


 
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