Wednesday, October 26, 2016

You go girl!

hai there!

it has been so long I did not post anything. I did wrote something but I did not post it.
too many things happened. I'm getting older. not only me, you also right?

2016 gonna leave us in few months time.
my boss favorite question is, "what  have you achieved this year, Izzati?"
apparently, I'm still cracking my head for an answer at least to his question this year.

honestly, I never imagine that I'm gonna be here today.
never imagine myself in Sabah for FOUR years. freaking FOUR years!
I survived staying 1013 miles away from my parents.
despite you know I flew back almost once a month. up to a point people are wondering if I got boyfriend back in Semenanjung. its more than a boyfriend. its my parents!
its another long story. need to dedicate one whole post to summarize my 4 years in Sabah.

you know what, 
things happen unexpectedly.
once I had a very bad heartbroken. I put too much hope in someone. it took me so long till I can completely move on. Libra is very loyal, please take note. I lied to everyone that I am fine but actually I am not. but lucky enough I have supportive people around me. their advises and opinions really really help me to move on. and make me realize Allah is the one and I should pray hard to Him rather than putting hope in other human being.

and then, I started to plan my future. did another thing unexpectedly that no one else did.
I cancelled my transfer application. I did not make that decision in one night,
I got permission from abah emak first. then only I submitted my letter.
everything went smoothly. Alhamdulillah.

one fine day, abah emak asked if I got any boyfriend. the recovered broken-heart start to feel uneasy again. I said no. so, they being honest and said their friend want his son and me to get to know each other. nothing wrong in getting to know someone right? 

but...

I am so confused. the way he text, the way he communicate. i feel so weird. then, we stop texting after 1 week. I did istikharah cause I know the main intention behind that is moving on to the next stage. surprisingly, during raya, his father and mother came to my house and send "cincin tanda". to make it worst, he never told me about that! and did not have any courtesy to text me after that! I texted him first 3 days after his family came. make it short, I asked mak abah to return back the ring. I feel so guilty. but I can't jeopardize my future. 

I celebrated my 27th birthday last month.
I am 27 and I am single and not even have a single scandal.
I am happy.
I told myself, after 30th September 2017, I'll stop looking for my future husband.
There are obviously so many other things I need to do. I can not keep on thinking about this.
Count down begins, and I left with another 337 days.

there are things that I think people do not understand us.
we are 27 and still single.

people think we are choosy. 
people think we are complicated.
people think we are not looking at any candidates.

you will never understand us. 
stop talking nonsense about us.

for me, the calculation is simple.
I have been so independent (though I still have not try to change my own car's battery yet).
at least I know how to isi angin tayar :P
If someone can show me how he can handle me, plan everything ahead and show some leadership skill, sure I'll give some space of my broken heart to him la.
but if that someone also do not give a damn, why should I?

for me,
relationship is a two ways communication. 
I can plan everything for us. where and when we are going to meet.
tapi, tak kan everytime wants to meet up pun only me who decide?

well, I can be clingy sometimes (major mistake!) but I learnt my lesson.
stand up strong. wake up and plan ahead your day without putting in anyone else name in your schedule. if someone came in, just add it to your planner with a PENCIL!
so you can erase it anytime.

I met this someone. thru a friend of mine.
day after my friend give his friend's phone number, he asked me have both of us start texting?
me being the heart broken one straight away look at him and said, "why i should text first?"
so, he decided to make a group with 3 of us, just to introduce me to his friend.
the weirdest whatsapp group ever! haha. but thanks for that :D

it feels weird to meet someone you don't know. tapi bila lagi nak blind date kan?
it is not that easy for me to agree with this thing. last time I went out, it does not end very well (in fact we ruined our friendship). I am not so sure where this thing is heading to.
to the which path of life.

I hope that someone did not read this.
it is not that easy to understand a grown-up man. I have this problem.
I think they are complicated. They probably do not like that idea of texting.
I am assuming though. haha. Not a phone call also.
Too workaholic. and probably they are too comfortable being single.
why need to add another commitment kan?

the heart broken girl decided,
not to be too clingy. so she does not text him that frequent. in fact he did not reply sometimes.
not to show him that she care. so she only send an e-card to him on his birthday which she hopes that the email address is correct.
pretty sure, Allah knows the best, keep calm and pray harder.


time to hit the bed now.
rambling bout too many things already. 


blowing you a kiss from across the miles,
betty





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