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kisah lalu


dulu dia bukan seperti ini.lantang bersuara.petah berkata.
dan pasti dia yang dulu sudah hilang.ditelan perasaan dan zaman.

membesar dengan penuh kasih sayang semua.dibeli mainan dan apa yang dipinta.menjerit dan meragam ketika kecil perkara biasa.dan dia gemar membaca.dia cuba membaca surat khabar dengan terbalik sebab ada rasa hebat jika berjaya.sungguh.ketika 5 tahun itulah hobinya.seusia 4 tahun dia dihantar ke tadika dan mula mengenal manusia disekelilingnya.setiap pagi disuakan air susu yang entah apa rasa sehingga dia gagal menerima susu putih sehinga hari ini kecuali dipaksa.itulah titik mulanya dia tidak sukakan susu.

yang pasti dia gemar menjerit dan memarahi orang lain.tetapi gurunya mengambil kesempatan suaranya itu dengan menyuruhnya berpidato ketika majlis di tadika.dan membuat persembahan di majlis penyampaian hadiah tadika peringkat daerah.indahnya kenangan dia dahulu.teks pidato disediakan oleh emak dan abahnya.tapi yang pasti dia akan ungkapkan "jika seorang ibu boleh membesarkan 10 orang anak,belum tentu 10 orang anak itu boleh menjaga ibunya nanti"

menginjak ke sekolah rendah dia libatkan diri dengan pertandingan bercerita.emak setia mendengar saban hari dia menghafal dan berlatih dihadapan cermin.tahun 1998 dia berjaya ke peringkat negeri dalam pertandingan bercerita tetapi gagal menempa kejayaan.sehingga tamat sekolah rendah itulah hobinya bercerita,berpidato tetapi tidak berbahas.hobinya menjerit masih tidak dilupakan.

ke sekolah menengah dia tiba-tiba hilang segala kekuatan.menjadi rendah diri.tidak yakin dan punyai rasa malu yang tidak bertempat.nampaknya diri dia yang dulu telah tiada.mungkin bertemu dengan lebih ramai orang yang jauh lebih hebat,lebih pandai dan lebih cantik dia jadi segan.dan hati kecil dia selalu berkata pasti orang sedang tertawakannya.maka tiada siapa pun sepanjang 5 tahun belajar yang menjumpai dan mengenali dirinya yang dahulu.

dan kini dia tetap begitu.masih tidak berani tampil ke depan.memilih untuk berdiam.cemburu selalu merajai bila melihat rakan lain seperti dirinya yang dahulu.pasti dia rindu akan saat dahulu.dia rindu keyakinan dirinya dahulu.rindukan kelantangan suaranya.alangkah indahnya jika masih ada lagi masa lalu.

mungkin jika ada rezeki rakan-rakannya akan ketemu dengan dia yang dahulu.aku juga rindukan dia yang dulu.bukan sekarang yang sungguh bosan.tapi disebalik dirinya aku pasti ada terselit perasaan yang dia akan kembali juga satu hari nanti.aku mahu jumpa dia!


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